FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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