you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
