Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
