walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
