hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize