Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
