I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
