lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
