Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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