Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize