It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
pop tarts are not kleenex
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize