end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
