I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
