He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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