just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize