Already got asked if we're dating
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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