I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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