he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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