you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
