Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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