and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
