i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
