In the future we'll all be gay
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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