If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
