Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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