So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
