end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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