Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's always time for handjobs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize