so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
