I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
