I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
