I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
did i walk over a car last night?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
false alarm, still single
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
