you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
