that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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