i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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