Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
