about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
