not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
