Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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