there's paper in my vomit.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize