I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
