I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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