oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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