hell yes lets make some ravioli
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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