There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
