upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
