Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I love you. Go after that dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
