and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
