I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
