Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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