She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
