Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
