I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
