ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
