just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
