You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
