he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
