i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
