Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
