The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yo dont text me then not text me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
