Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
