no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
