2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
