your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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