Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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