Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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