I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
