a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
