i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
