what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
