Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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