do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
