My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
