oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
