my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Duck Duck Cougar?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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