And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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