Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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