@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
