I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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