hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
